He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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