im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
