i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
