If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
