Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
