is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
