it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
