i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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