your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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