in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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