chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
