JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
