i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
