don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just invented taco cereal.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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