this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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