Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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