.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
