I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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