sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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