I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
