me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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