Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
