i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
