I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
