why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
