i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
