Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
