dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
