was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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