Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
