East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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