I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sext me about skeletons
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
