goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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