why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
