Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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