I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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