I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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