Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
