Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
