God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
