he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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