I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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