Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
