just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
