i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
