He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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