he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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