Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
