Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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