At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
